How to Deal with Tidying Tantrums the Montessori Way -

How to Deal with Tidying Tantrums the Montessori Way

Tidying tantrums are par for course when raising kids, but how do we help reduce the meltdowns?

Let’s set the scene: It’s a normal part of your child’s day. You’ve just asked your toddler to tidy up their toys, and boom! You’re hit with an epic tantrum that rivals a Shakespearean drama. Whether you’re dealing with a little girl refusing to pick up her favorite toy or a little boy having a meltdown over an unexpected event, tidying tantrums can turn even the calmest household into a power struggle.

Good news: You’re not alone, and there’s a better way to navigate these intense feelings. Enter the Montessori approach—a philosophy rooted in empathy, structure, and respect for a child’s personality. Let’s dive into some helpful tips to handle those big emotions and bring peace back to your daily schedule.

Small Asian child having a tidying tantrum, crying with mouth open

Understanding the Drama of a Temper Tantrum

Tantrums, including the tidying kind, are a normal part of early childhood. Young children have developing brains and limited language skills, which makes it harder for them to express their big feelings. Add a to-do list, their favorite toy being taken away, and a sense of loss of control, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for an emotional outburst.

The first place to start is understanding your child’s behavior. Is the meltdown actually related to tidying up or something else? Are they tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Overstimulated? They are the common reasons for a meltdown.

Keeping on top of their basic needs, like regular nap times and a consistent routine, go a long way in preventing meltdowns in the first place.

When a child’s tantrum happens, it’s often their way of communicating unmet needs or strong emotions they don’t yet have the words for. Emotional outbursts are going to happen if you ask a child that is tired and hungry to do something, even if it is as simple as putting their dinosaurs in the box.

Even with older kids, if they are feeling overwhelmed they can fall into that helpless feeling and the logical part of the brain shuts down. The first step in this case is show them a different way to tackle the situation. Ask them to choose one single thing to start with, then maybe increase it to a specific type of toy.

Preventing tidying tantrums. two white boys playing with toy cars

Action Step

If your child is not cooperating because of being tired/hungry then either let them refuel/rest first, then tackle the cleaning up. If that doesn’t work (if it’s bedtime say) then make a mental note think about how to deal with the issue differently in the future.

If it is overwhelm that is causing the issue, teach them techniques on how to deal with it. You can teach them:

The two minute rule
How to get started (this is really for older kids)
How to tackle procrastination

tidying tantrums, a small boy helping to put something in a basket

The Montessori Way: A Better Way to Tackle Tidying Tantrums

Montessori teachers are masters of turning chaos into calm. Here are their secrets to handling tidying tantrums in a way that builds emotional health and encourages good behaviour:

Offer Choices, Not Commands
Children often throw temper tantrums when they feel powerless. A great way to avoid a power struggle is to offer limited choices. Instead of saying, “Clean up your toys now,” try, “Would you like to put the blocks away first or the cars?” This gives your child a sense of control and reduces their toddler’s frustration.
Keep a Calm Demeanor
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to let your own emotions take over. But staying calm and using verbal assurance, like “I’m here to help you,” can diffuse the drama of a temper tantrum. Your calm demeanor teaches your child how to manage their emotional reactions.
Use Logical Consequences
If the child’s behaviour involves throwing toys instead of tidying them, a logical consequence might be saying, “We need to put this toy away now so it stays safe for next time.” This approach focuses on the child’s feelings and the natural result of their actions, without shame or punishment.
Create a Safe Place for Big Feelings
Designate a corner of the room where your child can calm down. Fill it with soft pillows, favorite books, or a sensory toy. This safe place can help your child process their intense feelings before returning to the task.
Engage Their Attention with an Auditory Cue
Montessori classrooms often use auditory cues like a bell or gentle clapping to signal transitions. At home, try singing a clean-up song to make tidying fun. Engaging your child’s attention this way can turn a power struggle into a playful moment.

Helping prevent tidying tantrums by helping a child with clean up. A white mom helping a small boy pick up toys

What kind of music works best for tidying up?

Well, that depends on your kids really, you definitely want something upbeat and fast in tempo! I’m not a Disney fan but if your kids are and there is a great upbeat song that they can sing and tidy along to, then whack that on. If your kids love Pharrell Williams then use Happy as your anthem. Or find 2 or 3 songs and put them into a cleaning up playlist!

Make it fun, sing and dance as you clean up, kids love it when their parent goof around (until they hit the tweenage years and you are out n public, apparently that’s not cool!) who can do the funniest dance, cleaning up to the grooviest moves, clean up like a ballet dancer? it doesn’t need to make sense, it just needs to be fun.

The Role of Empathy and Connection

One of the most important things you can do during a child’s tantrum is to show extra empathy. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings: “I see you’re having a hard time. It’s tough to stop playing.” This simple act helps your child feel heard and understood, which is often all they need to calm down.

Tidying Tantrums and the Sensitive period…

Dr Montessori discovered that toddlers especially go through a sensitive period known as the sense of order. This might sound a bit mad considering how much chaos a toddler can inflict in a room when left alone for 2 minutes but if your child has ever lined up their blocks, then they are showing that stage of development.

“… nature endows a child with a sensitiveness to order. It is a kind of inner sense that distinguishes the relationships between various objects rather than the objects themselves. … Such an environment provides the foundation for an integrated life.” ~ Maria Montessori, The Secret of Childhood, p. 55

Maria Montessori identified several planes of development that children go through. The sense of order, usually happens between the ages of six months and three years old. Children at this stage naturally are curious about their environment, they are trying to make sense of their world and can get quite out of sorts if someone upsets the order. This might be you moving the furniture around or not following the “right” order for your morning routine.

The kids don’t understand exactly what it is that has got them feeling uneasy and their natural reaction is to be upset. Which is why sometimes kids seem to be throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason, it could be all down to a simple change in their environment or routine.

My mom likes to tell everyone about how upset I got as a toddler when they replaced our oven. Apparently, I sobbed and sobbed for hours saying I loved the old oven, yes and the family still get a good laugh out it. What we now know is that my sense of order has been disrupted. And I can assure you that you will never find me sobbing over a kitchen appliance these days!

An asian mom helping a small child to tidy up to prevent tidying tantrums

How to embrace the sense of order?

If you have ever caught your child lining up their dinosaurs or putting their stuffed toys in a specific order on the bed every day, no, they are not OCD, more likely it is that you caught them in a sensitive period for the sense of order. This is a great time to introduce clean up after themselves and showing them how to help with jobs around the home.

In a Montessori home or school, everything has a home. If you have ever seen pictures of a Montessori school, it looks very organized and there is a reason for that. Montessorians know that a child’s environment is an important part of their development.

But it’s not just that, we want the kids to be independent, to take out what they want to work with and put it away by themselves, because of this the shelves are set up in a way to make it EASY for even a three-year-old to tidy up after her or himself.

Using this concept at home is a no-brainer. If you want your kids to be able to tidy up by themselves then you have to make it easy for them. In Clear The Clutter we work on not only chucking the clutter out and keeping it out but think about how the home is working for you and your family.

Embracing the sense of order and the work cycle can change things dramatically in your home. You can read more about introducing your child to work cycles HERE.

Kids cleaning up after themselves, helps them to understand their environment, helps to keep your home tidy and under control, decreases the tidying tantrums (because who needs them?) and free up your time!

Building Emotional Health in Daily Life To Reduce Toddler Tantrums

Another thing you can do its to help your young children develop emotional resilience, but it does takes practice. Here are some additional strategies to support your child’s emotional health:

Stick to a Consistent Routine: Predictability gives children a sense of security. A consistent daily schedule, especially for transitions like tidying, can help reduce toddler temper tantrums.
Practice Positive Discipline: Focus on teaching, not punishing. Instead of saying, “Why can’t you just listen?” try, “Let’s figure this out together.”
Encourage Language Skills: Teach your child words to express their big emotions, like “sad,” “frustrated,” or “hangry.” The more they can label their feelings, the less they’ll need to act them out.
Model Good Behaviour: Children learn by watching you. Show them how you manage your own things and handle difficult situations with grace.

What to Do Next Time To Prevent Tidying Up Meltdowns

Even with all these tips, no single day is perfect. The good news? Every tantrum is an opportunity to learn and grow, for both of you. The next day, reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Did your child’s tantrum happen because they were overwhelmed by too many toys? Simplifying their environment might be the best way forward.

Don’t try and talk it out when they are just recovering from their meltdown, give it time, a little empathy can go a long way. Talking to your child about the meltdowns and how to prevent them later is so much more than just solving tidying tantrum meltdowns. It is a step towards building a strong relationship, where your kids know thier feelings and opinions are important too.

A white mom encouraging her boy to tidy up without tidying tantrums

Final Thoughts

Tidying tantrums can feel like a lot of stress, but remember: These moments are a normal part of your child’s development. With a little bit of patience, a few deep breaths, and some Montessori-inspired techniques, you can turn even the most epic tantrums into opportunities for connection and growth.

So, the next time your toddler’s frustration spills over, take heart. You’ve got this, and your calm, positive approach will go a long way in shaping their emotional resilience for years to come.

How to Deal with Tidying Tantrums the Montessori Way