What is Deschooling and Why is it Important for Homeschoolers?

What is Deschooling?

Deschooling is the process of unlearning that the traditional school system is the only path to education.

For the majority of us, traditional school is the only education system that we have known, which is why many homeschoolers come up against backlash from friends and family when they decide to embark on their homeschooling adventure.

One of the important aspects of homeschooling is first to un-learn or deschool what we already believe and have been programmed since an early age to think is the only way.

A lot of homeschoolers struggle with teaching their kids because they are trying to transfer the education system from traditional school into the home. Homeschooling does not have to look like a traditional school but is set at the kitchen table.

What is deschooling in homeschooling?

Deschooling is the transitional phase that children and parents go through when leaving the traditional school system to start homeschooling. It is the intentional process of unlearning institutional habits, such as rigid timetables, external rewards, and passive consumption, to rediscover natural curiosity and self-directed learning. A general rule of thumb is to allow one month of deschooling for every year a child spent in a conventional classroom, focusing during this time on play, connection, and life skills rather than academic curriculum.

Before we get into deschooling, you might want to read the How to Start Homeschooling with Confidence post first.

What is deschooling. A young girl wearing safety googles and tinkering with some gadgets

You’ve made the big decision to homeschool. You’ve bought the curriculum, organized the bookshelves, and maybe even bought a tiny whiteboard. You’re ready to go!

And then, within a week, everyone is miserable.

Your child is resisting the worksheets, you’re sounding like a drill sergeant, and you’re secretly wondering if you’ve made a massive mistake.

Take a deep breath. You haven’t failed. You’ve just forgotten a crucial step: deschooling. Most of us grew up in the traditional school system, so we unconsciously believe that learning only counts if it happens sitting at a desk, between the hours of 9 and 3, with a neat little grading stamp at the end. Deschooling is the process of breaking those institutional chains so your family can actually thrive. Let’s look at why it’s the most important first step you’ll take.

How do you start deschooling?

First and foremost, explain it to your kids. Otherwise, they are going to think they are on an extended holiday!

If your child has been in the education system then it’s recommended for each year that they have been at traditional school that they take one month off to deschool. If a child has been in traditional school for 4 years, then they should take 4 months off to deschool.

But doesn’t that mean they will fall behind?

No, not at all and this way of thinking is why it is important to remember that parents need to deschool too, otherwise, you will constantly fall into the trap of comparing your child’s educational journey with a school education.

What is deschooling. A happy boy playing on some exercise equipment at a museum

What are the steps to deschooling

Once everyone is onboard with the idea that you are now in deschooling mode and not on holiday you can start having fun.

Homeschooling is all about learning and not about teaching. You are not their teacher. Start off by brainstorming together what they are currently interested in. This could be anything, it doesn’t matter the topic.

Instead of panicking about curriculum gaps during this reset phase, lean heavily into real-world experiences. Fill your days with baking, building, and sensory exploration. If you get stuck for inspiration, I’ve put together a list of 75 Fun and Easy DIY Sensory Activities for Kids that are perfect for keeping little hands busy while their minds decompress from school expectations.

Now continue and add ways they can learn more about the topic this could include:

Going to a museum/gallery/exhibit
Complete a weekly curiosity file (sign up for free, gets sent out on a Wednesday)
Borrowing books on the subject from the library
Visiting a zoo/park/nature reserve
Watching a film/documentary
Take a virtual trip to a new country (new packs go out on the 1st or pick and mix from the shop)
Listening to a podcast
Doing some hands-on experiments
Contacting a local business or store to ask if you could visit
Interviewing someone connected with the topic
Looking for classes/lectures/experiences that involve topic
Outschool or similar online classes
Youtube or Skillshare tutorials
Sports lessons – horse riding, tennis, bouldering…

You get the idea, I’m sure you can think of more.

Logan LaPlante explains a great way to do this with his “hackschooling” ideas. I highly recommend you watch this with your kids and then add to your list of ideas.

What about legal requirements?

We will dig into this more in the curriculum post. Obviously staying on the right side of the law is important. In which case, chat with your kids again, and explain that legally, they have to do X, Y, and Z but that they have a choice on how to go about it.

Get their feedback. Be clear with the objectives and deadlines and create a schedule that is realistic. Because work done at home doesn’t take as long as it does in traditional school, you could set it up to do 30 minutes of math a day or X amount of pages for example.

We have this deep-seated belief that learning only counts if it fills an entire day. But when you strip away the assemblies, line-forming, and classroom management, the actual focused learning time drops dramatically. In fact, when comparing Homeschooling vs School Hours, you’ll quickly discover why less hours at the kitchen table often results in much more actual learning.

Get them to do the maths for how long it will take them to complete the set work. Some kids might look at it and say, well if I do 2 hours a day, 3 times a week, I can be finished complete in 6 weeks. Whereas other kids might hate the idea of doing blocks or 2-hour study and instead prefer to do 20 minutes a day, every day. Go through the different options together and formulate a plan, let them take the lead on this so they feel like they are making the decisions. (Even if you are guiding them!)

Putting my productivity coach hat on, I recommend tackling anything they don’t enjoy early in the day so that they can get it out of the way and not have the doom cloud of maths hanging over their head all day.

Remind them that once the box-checking lessons are done, they are free to learn about whatever they like.

Issues that often arise when deschooling

When a child who has been in traditional school starts homeschooling they may come across some of these issues:

They might be a bit puzzled about what to do with their newfound free time. After all, they’ve been so used to having their day planned and scheduled by the school system. But you know what? It’s an exciting opportunity for them to explore their interests and passions at their own pace. Help them discover fun activities and hobbies that make their free time super enjoyable! Less structure and more freedom of choice.

Deschooling is all about shifting from forced education to organic curiosity. Instead of presenting your child with a rigid schedule of tasks, try using Invitations to Play. These simple, open-ended setups spark independent learning and creative thinking without any of the friction or resistance you might be used to from the school run.

Now, if you decided to leave school because of tough circumstances like bullying, social issues, or feeling like they didn’t fit in with the academic standards, it’s completely natural for them to need some time to heal and regain their confidence. They deserve all the time they need, and you’ll be there to support them every step of the way. You’ve got this!

For kids that have been in the system for a while, you might hear them say, “That’s not how we did it at school”?

It’s their way of saying they’re used to the traditional approaches. But here’s the thing, we can introduce them to innovative and engaging study methods that make learning fun! Show them that there’s a whole world of exciting ways to explore new subjects and ideas. They’ll be amazed at how much fun learning can be!

Remember quizzes and tests are not fun but if a child is learning something they are interested in, they will learn at a much deeper level and absorb more information, with no need for tests and exams.

If you decide to go with a curriculum (we will cover this in another post) you can choose the curriculum together for homeschooling. Having a say in their education is a whole new experience for them, so they’ll need time and support to adapt. Find creative ways to make the curriculum more engaging and tailored to their interests.

Even though they wanted to homeschool, there might be times when they miss certain aspects of traditional school. It’s totally normal! Change can be a bit tricky sometimes, and it’s okay for them to feel a little nostalgic. You can create a safe space for them to express their thoughts and emotions. It’s all part of the journey, and figure it out together. No judgment!

Talk about what it is they miss and see if you can create something that fills that gap.

Remember, your job is to make homeschooling an amazing adventure filled with joy, growth, and lots of laughter. And to tackle any challenges that come our way with love, patience, and a dash of fun. Your kids are in great hands, and you’re going to create unforgettable memories together.

What is Deschooling FAQs

What do you actually do during the deschooling phase?

You focus on connection and decompression. Swap formal textbooks for trips to the library, baking together, building LEGO, gardening, or just getting bored. The goal is to separate the concept of ‘learning’ from the concept of ‘schoolwork.’

Do parents need to deschool too?

Absolutely! In fact, parents often take longer to deschool than the kids. We have to actively unlearn our own conditioning around tests, grades, and what a ‘productive’ day looks like. If your child spends an afternoon deep in a passion project, that is education, even if it didn’t involve a worksheet.

How do we transition from deschooling back to structured learning?

Gently. Instead of shocking the system with a rigid 6-hour timetable, build a collaborative daily rhythm. Introduce one subject at a time, follow their natural interests, and use visual frameworks rather than institutional bells to guide your day.

What is deschooling. Two boys outside doing some woodwork

How do I deal with my own deschooling issues?

If you have been through a traditional school system yourself, you will naturally feel uncomfortable with some (or all) of this and no doubt, have some self-doubts. All of this is perfectly normal. Start reading about how children actually learn (aff link) and this will help you navigate it all. It does get easier!

I recommend journaling this out, whenever that self-doubt or questioning voice pops into your head, get the journal out and examine what that belief is all about.

Creating your new normal when deschooling

The hardest part of deschooling is dealing with the lack of structure. Traditional schools control every minute with bells and timetables. When you strip that away, kids can feel unmoored, which often leads to behavioral issues.

The secret isn’t to replace school rules with absolute chaos; it’s to build a flexible, visible family rhythm.

This is where my Personalizable Montessori Daily Routine Cards come in. Instead of you constantly barking orders or trying to mimic a school schedule, these cards allow you to co-create a daily flow with your child. By using photos of them doing their tasks, you empower them to manage their own day. It’s the ultimate tool for transitioning out of institutional thinking and into independent, real-world living.”

Peronalised routine cards for parents to make with their family when they start deschooling. the image shows the template

Ready to drop the school mentality and find your flow?

Create a calm, screen-free, self-directed rhythm today.
Grab your free, personalizable Montessori Daily Routine Cards inside the library.